Sunday, February 20, 2011

a special spot in hell.

Three days ago my roommate and I visited the MCC Furniture and More store in the hopes of finding a tacky phone to hook up to our buzzer. Not only did we find a phone (alas not tacky but cute) we..or should I say I..invested in an obscene number of VHS. For only a dollar each, I purchased the original Star Wars trilogy, Braveheart, Back to the Future, Forrest Gump, Waynes World, and a few other gems I'm too embarrassed to post. We did, however, have a copy of Jurassic Park thrown in for free, for a reason I will forever feel guilt for in the bottom of my soul.
MCC stands for Mennonite Central Committee, where 'every purchase is a gift to the world. ' ( Run -to my knowledge- mostly by volunteers, MCC provides a great selection of quality used (donated) goods with proceeds to various charities.
Now, as soon as Taylor and I walk into this particular warehouse, we are greeted by (and subsequently 'helped' by) an onslaught of lovely old men working the salesfloor. Most of these men took great delight in the (mild) verbal abuse I issued to Taylor, as well as his unencumbered responses to my er, direction. Basically 'good boys do what they are told',
'don't touch that','no - you can't have that', and 'how many times do I have to tell you to stop picking your nose in public.' etc.
Naturally, these nice old folk assumed Taylor and I must be married. (Why else would a man put up with that kind of garbage?)While the cashier was ringing through my 27 videos, we were chatting about our aquired treasures, and the man said something along the lines of 'well, you said 'I do' once, and now...' to Taylor, and then proceeded to throw in that copy of Jurrassic Park on the house. After thanking the cashier and gathering our things ('are you going to carry my bags, SWEETHEART?') Taylor and I carefully left the store without making eye contact.
I doubt if we would have corrected him he would have charged us fully for the video, no, that is not my concern. Why didn't we correct him? Judgement? Aversion to awkward situations? I don't know, but I feel as if I duped God's children out of 90 cents. I felt like a heathen thief. Like a souless con artist. I will never be able to look at dinosaurs the same way again.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

and they don't even know.

I wish there were more hours in the day, I truly do. Or, perhaps that I had a time-turner like Hermione. I wouldn't use it to save the lives of convicted murderers or Hippogriffs, but to do laundry and go grocery shopping. Maybe what I really need is to ingest more caffeine. That's it. I don't need more hours in the day, per se - just more hours I am awake during the day. Good thinking. Good thing I work at Starbucks. Coffee at my fingertips (and all over my body by the time I'm done a shift). Oo, all over my body. Its not as sexy as it sounds. Unless you like the taste of stale dairy. That would be troubling on a number of levels.
Speaking of Starbucks/caffeine; I have most recently become one that I hate. Three weeks ago, I finally came to the conclusion that I am lactose-intolerant, and probably have been for the entire three years I have been employed at Starbucks. Brilliant. So, I began to drink soy - and my regular drink order started to become more complicated.
See, I don't mind making 'complicated' beverages. It's my job. Using a different syrup, steaming the milk a little hotter, scooping off the foam. Big whoop. It's what we're here for. I'm just embarrassed to order my drink in front of other people. Specifically, non-partners.
Once upon a time, the most 'specific' beverage I was known to order was a double tall mocha. That's a tall mocha with an extra shot of espresso. NBD, really. Now,somehow since I started drinking soy, it would appear to the general public I am some kind of high-maintenance, pretentious princess.
Are you ready? My new favourite drink of choice is a: double tall, three-pump, soy, extra caramel, extra foam caramel macciato. To the barista creating the drink, its nothing, really. Like I said, just an extra shot, extra pump of syrup, etc. But to the register partner punching it in (especally with our new systems) and the customers behind me - boy do I sound like a monster. I'm not, I promise.
But I will be if you give me regular milk :)
Haha, just kidding.
But really.
I will have a stomach-ache.
And I will find you.
Sirius Black.

Monday, February 14, 2011

I have ever heard

The home button of my iPhone is sticky. It's driving me mental. Most people I have shown can't tell the difference. I surely can. I press it around a thousand times a day. I sure as heck realize how much I use it now that it doesn't work properly. Researching it online I found that apparently it's a somewhat common issue that has been previously raised by owners of earlier models. You'd think that Apple would look into such a thing, especially considering it's such an instrumental component in the userface. REALLY. 
Maybe I'm just pissy because I can't find any chocolate in this goodness-forsaken abode. Not even any emergency chocolate. I can't buy emergency chocolate (chocolate purchased in advance in anticipation for emergency cravings of said chocolate) because I eat it right away. Usually on the way home. 
Alas, I also refuse to go get some, on the grounds that under no circumstances will I be seen buying a hot fudge sunday alone on Valentine's Day. Not gonna happen. Maybe if I inhale this cocoa scented candle deeply enough I can fool myself. That's not considered huffing, is it?

Friday, February 4, 2011

I could have been anybody else.

I wish my neighbors weren't having a rave right now. I'd probably feel differently if I were one of the loud drunk girls. Much differently.


One of the drunk girls is alternating between yelling and rapping now. Someone save me. I would rather listen to coyotes.

what did you say?

Today I rewarded my good eating and spending habits. By purchasing onion rings. With my VISA How does that even make sense? I don't know. But I wanted them. I drank a lot of green tea today, does that cancel it out? Just say yes.
Tomorrow I will eat healthier. Wait. Tomorrow I am going to IKEA (for the sixth time in 2 months). IKEA has delicious $1 breakfasts. I cannot afford to pass that up. Sunday. Let's start Sunday. Sunday I begin a balanced, nutritious life. Or I balance the onion rings with copious amounts of green tea. I think I like that one better.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

from one day to the next I can change.

I should really start upacking my clothes, although it is becoming increasingly more tempting to keep them in their recycling bag homes until I need each piece. At that rate I'll be unpacked by summer. Oo summer. Summer can't come fast enough. My friends and I are starting to plan our fourth annual camping trip. I can't wait to be able to kick back in the dirt for a weekend in the sun. Unfortunately last year I was mislead to believe I was much more tanned than I actually was. When I came home and showered I watched it go down the drain. Goodbye dirt tan.
Speaking of tanning; I made a promise to myself not too long ago to never fake tan again. As much as I would like to be consistently sun-kissed, I'd rather not deal with the long term consequences; ie melanoma and leather-hide-syndrome. Besides, fair is in. Right? Right? It's...classic. Funny how a couple hundred years ago you would be considered poor looking if you were thin and tanned. Nowadays it's the opposite.
I will wear my sunblock this summer.