all I want.

‎"Maybe Christmas, she thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more"

Merry Christmas. I hope you're all spending time with those you love most.

i need another story

December will be a busy month.

Christmas - gift hunting, wrapping and giving, get-togethers, dinners, stuffing my face, etc.

Car hunting - my trusty Plymouth Breeze blew a gasket, causing it to leak oil like a --. For now, I am continuously pouring oil down its throat until I can find a replacement/the engine seizes.

House hunting - Taylor and I's lease is up February 1st, and he is moving back in with his parents to go to school full-time. I'll be moving in with Celeste, the girl who took his room for three months while he was gone in Peru. I will miss Chaircat, but not her endless amount of loose fur. My couch will also not miss Chaircat.

and around all of that - Packing! As I will be leaving for Portugal Jan 1st and not returning until the 27th (yes, yes I am doing it - I am going on my adventure!), I must pack up my life this month so when I return to this side of the world I can move on out to my new digs.

I believe I can do this. Fortunately for me I work in a coffee shop. Caffeine will be ever-present in my body the next few weeks.

Wish me luck and above all, productivity.

only in dreams

Notes to self:

- The only person that can decide you're having a bad day is you

- You must live your life the way you want to - or it is not truly yours

- Treat others the way you wish to be treated

- Don't dwell on things you don't have any control over

- Don't waste your day waiting for something to come to you - seek it out

- You are young now, but also responsible for who you are when you're older

- Drink more water

- Sleep when you're old

'cause I want more

I've fully embraced Pumpkin Spice.

It's a beautiful, windy, rainy day. It's Fall.

Today is my day off. I am more than content to sit here and listen to the rain fall while I'm reading a book. I am also wrapped in four blankets. There is a cat somewhere in here.

I'm making plans. Big plans. My best friend is studying in Portugal for a semester this year. In January, I am going to visit her.

I can't believe this is going to happen. I need to make it happen! It will happen.

Please see : all of the lights http://headlights-highway.blogspot.com/2011/04/all-of-lights.html

I need to make myself believe it is/will be a reality - mainly so I STOP SPENDING MONEY. RRRR I WANT NEW SHOES AND PURPLE LIPSTICK.

Must. Be. Responsible. Maybe I'll freeze my credit cards.

....just one little lipstick? I'LL USE IT EVERY DAY

say it aloud.

I'm not ready for Pumpkin Spice this year.

On my way to the back room at work, I noticed a cluster of bottles coloured a very distinct orange. I'll admit I stopped dead in my tracks.

I love Pumpkin Spice syrup, do not get me wrong - but I feel as if it is too early this year. (Starbucks won't be serving it until September 6th, sorry die-hards.) Mostly I feel it is too early because summer just started to rear its pretty head in this part of the world. Oh, well, perhaps we will have a beautiful Indian Summer.

Now I'm picturing myself sipping a Pumpkin Spice Latte on a beautiful September Day, blogging about how much I love doing so. Okay, I like.

Pumpkin Spice also tastes like Back-to-School. I miss school. Well, the Autumn Style/New pens and hi-lighters part. Maybe a little learning, too.

PS, yes, I am doing laundry.

taking a mental picture of you now.

My neighbors are having a rave again. Maybe I'll send Taylor on the patio again to tell them I'm pregnant and cranky. It worked last time. Although - I have to commit to that lie if I wish to use it to my advantage in the future. I really don't forsee myself donning a fake baby bump to go to and from my car every day. But we will see.

Today I caught a whiff of a customer's perfume and was instantly reminded of Mexico. She was wearing Cartier, the same scent my mother wore when my family went on vacation in 2004. It always takes me aback how much smell is linked to memory. (On a side-note:I need to find myself a signature scent, but I'm finding it difficult as I am notoriously picky about perfume. Not only did it take me 4 years of testers and sample-sprays to commit to buying 'Glow by JLo', I'm unable to wear perfume at work so I find it hard to get into the habit on my days off. I used to enjoy wearing a certain body spray made by Secret..Tropical...something. I wore it almost every day in the early years of highschool until every cheerleader in a National Competition was given a bottle in a gift bag. That smell will forever be linked to thousands of whiney, overly-tanned, sparkly little girls. Worst.)

I'm also a sucker for relating music to past/current events. There are some songs that no matter how hard I try, I'll be reminded of something/someone. Since it looks like I won't be sleeping much tonight before my 5 am shift tomorrow, I figure I'll play a little game and share it with all y'all. Imma put my iPod on shuffle and put a memory/person to the song. Should prove to be interesting.

Note: don't you dare judge my musical taste! These are all (with the exception of one) random. I have many very chill, obscure artists you have probably never heard of on my iPod.

1 - Santa Monica - Theory of a Deadman
Well, there's a good one off the bat. This song will always take me back to a highschool trip to San Diego, particularly the plane ride there and back. (Another cheerleading memory, hurray. If you're wondering, I was no superstar. I was definitely the one they hid in the back.) YES I REALIZE THEY ARE BOTH VERY DIFFERENT CITIES IN CALIFORNIA.

2 - Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
This one reminds me of a Young Adults group I used to attend a few years ago. I think they were trying to make the lyrics relevant to Jesus instead of a love interest. They played it a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

3 - Think I'm in Love - Beck
I remember my little brother had a small obsession with Beck after he heard our older Brother was a fan. My mother was concerned with both this song and 'Loser' - the lyrics include 'I'm a loser, baby - so why don't you kill me?.' She was worried he was taking the lyrics to heart. No, don't worry mom. He is 8. The most trying moments in his life currently include whether or not he will be getting all 18 of his requested LEGO sets for Christmas. Although he did have a concerning crush on his Kindergarten teacher..

4 - Dynamite - Tao Cruz
My old roommate and I Alyse went on a roadtrip to Kelowna last year. I'm sure we played this song over 50 times on the way up, as well as Teenage Dream and some now irrelevant Fergie song. That was a good roadtrip. There is a night-club called 'Flashbacks' in which we literally stopped dancing for a maximum of 4 songs all night, only to rest our feet and to grab a drink of water. Best.

5 - Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
We played this song in Senior Jazz Band when I was in Grade Ten. It was my favourite, I'll admit. It also, obviously, reminds me of Shrek 2.

6 - Down (Candlelight Remix) - Jay Sean
My friend Ami and I howled our way through Jay Sean's entire album on the way back from Guilford Mall one day. During this, she shared with me his real name is apparently Kamaljit. From that day forward, Ami's nickname was forever Kamaljit.

7 - You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins
My current roommate Taylor and I had the discussion that during the slideshow at his (very future)funeral this song must be played. On repeat. I've personally decided there will be intermittent slides of Disney's Tarzan screencaps. Everyone will cry and then laugh and then feel really bad about laughing because they won't know if they are supposed to.

Rave update: another neighbour has currently been yelling at the people next-door to TURNITOFF for the last ten minutes. I don't even want to step on my patio now. Its going to be a brawl, I live in an interesting building full of interesting characters. I'll write a post about them when I don't live here anymore.

Three more songs, then I am going to suck it up and try to sleep.

8 - I Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
This song is not on my iPod, but I couldn't help but cheat and post it when a friend posted it on my wall today. My mother and I made an alternate version to this song when it came out. Lyrics: I brushed my teeth today, just like yesterday. I brushed, I flossed, I scrubbed that plaque away, uh-huh.

9 - Dirty Bit - The Black Eyed Peas
Without thinking at all, this dedication is to my roommate, Taylor. Not only is this song his ringtone, favourite catch-phrase and most-played on iTunes - he plays it on repeat while taking a shower. I know Taylor is almost clean when it starts up a third time. It's helpful, really.

10 - OMG - Usher
Forever, forever, forever, this song reminds me of my past roommate Alyse. This song came out when we were on vacation in Cancun, Mexico last year. It must have played 3 times a night down there, but we couldn't get enough. It was also one of our top choices for our road-trip playlist. Finally, it reminds me of Alyse for the following best/worst reason. One night we were out at a friend's birthday, and the song started to play. Alyse and I decided we needed to jump up in the 'dancing cage' - hey, it was a classy establishment - to show off our slick moves. Well, Alyse is about six feet tall, and the door to said cage is only about 5 and a half feet. Combine that with the flying leap she made to reach the platform - boom. Blood. Everywhere. I have also created alternate lyrics to this song, dedicated to Alyse at the time of this incident. Sample : I was like Oh my God, I hit my schnoz, its blee-ding pro-fusely! I was like Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh -oh-oh-oh=oh Oh my schnoz!

That's it. That's all. If you're still reading this you are probably either my mother, roommate or are putting off sleep like me.

On a related note, I think my next-door neighbours must have either succumbed to the SHUTUP request by our mutual neighbor, or passed out. Whichever it is, cool.

you gotta take it in.

It seems as if the only time I ever blog is when I am doing laundry at my parents'. I assume the constant factor is that I have access to a real computer (blogging on my phone is a sniz). So there is consistency in my blogging! (RE:previous post...or a few posts down there. I really don't want to open a new tab to look. Must be a lazy-I-am-used-to-my-phone-with-sticky-home-button-must-stay-on-one-browser-window-thing.)

Today I noticed Facebook updated the lay-outs for messages. All messages, chats and emails through Facebook are consolidated in one thread for your viewing convienience. Kinda cool right? A little scary too. It was interesting to see how much I have mentally changed over the years. I've kept some of the same writing habits, but from the little reading I have done in the past hour that my jeans have been drying I've noticed a direct change in my sense of self, morality and confidence. A bit of a deeper analysis I was expecting for a brief browse through some old ties, but I'll suffice to say it was more apparent than I had counted on.

I'll be honest, I pushed too far back at points - into crevices of my Facebook account that shouldn't have been aroused (hehe, aroused). Though, in doing that, I was able to gather an un-biased opinion of myself and my respective messagers (it almost seems as if I am not the same person this girl is../was) and subjectively analyse things I was entirely unable to do in their present time.

In the end, I deleted these messages. They were nothing but ghosts that didn't take up any room, mind you, but were lurking, nonetheless.

Silly, really.

I feel like in the next 5 years I'll look back and do the same thing. But it won't be nearly as trying. I'm pretty stellar now...right?